I wonder if it's a good omen, like rain on a wedding day, that it's raining in the middle of the summer, on my first day of motherhood. Though I'm not normally a superstitious person, I have to say the raindrops on my window gave me pause. I'm going to try and keep track of my experience of being a foster mother on this blog for several reasons. The first is I want to encourage anyone who is considering opening up their home and their hearts to a foster child to do it. My situation is the epitome of, "if I can do it, so can you." I am too young, too mouthy, and far too short tempered to be a foster parent. And yet, here I am, imperfections and all, picking up our daughter from her high level group home in a few hours. The second reason is for my own sanity and reflection, I find that writing keeps me present to what I'm up to and helps to encapsulate and define times that without reflection wouldn't be processed. The third and final reason to enumerate at this point is for my daughter. I would love for her to have something to look back on and to remember our time together, as well as to encourage her to give back to her community, even before she feels that she's able.
From the time I was first in foster care, when I was 14, I knew that I wanted to be a foster parent. Never had I seen so much need, and what a child's life looks like when they don't have a parent who is willing to care for them and able to take care of them. Without that fundamental security children become lost. There are so few homes for teenagers in foster care and so they end up in group homes or staying long term at the shelter. I was at the Children's Shelter of Santa Clara county for months before my social worker found me a placement. Anne, an estate attorney, and Kent, a solar specialist and entrepreneur took me into their home. They already had an older teenage daughter who was a junior in high school and their eldest daughter, who had just started at USC. They opened their home thinking that I would only be staying there for a few days or a week, I stayed their (mostly) until I went to college, which they lovingly packed me up and drove me down to. I made the decision that as soon as I was able, I would foster children for myself. I remember so clearly my best friend and I planning to support each other in fostering kids whenever we could. We didn't need a man, but if we did find one, they would have to be okay with foster parenting.
In college I stumbled onto a job that required EMT qualifications but was a night shift and not in the hospital. When I called and spoke to my employer, she told me that she had two medically fragile foster babies, who were 6 and 10 months old, and that she needed help with the night shift for these babies because she was now a single mother and wasn't getting sleep. I jumped on it immediately. The bond that I formed with those two little ones made me want to have a large family and confirmed my decision to be a foster mother.
All of that was coming to fruition today. Cada was going to arrive any minute. We had met a few time before, both at the high security facility that she was at and at our home to help her (and us) prepare for that transition. Nothing could have prepared us for being parents, especially to an bi-sexual African American teenage girl. But here we go...
From the time I was first in foster care, when I was 14, I knew that I wanted to be a foster parent. Never had I seen so much need, and what a child's life looks like when they don't have a parent who is willing to care for them and able to take care of them. Without that fundamental security children become lost. There are so few homes for teenagers in foster care and so they end up in group homes or staying long term at the shelter. I was at the Children's Shelter of Santa Clara county for months before my social worker found me a placement. Anne, an estate attorney, and Kent, a solar specialist and entrepreneur took me into their home. They already had an older teenage daughter who was a junior in high school and their eldest daughter, who had just started at USC. They opened their home thinking that I would only be staying there for a few days or a week, I stayed their (mostly) until I went to college, which they lovingly packed me up and drove me down to. I made the decision that as soon as I was able, I would foster children for myself. I remember so clearly my best friend and I planning to support each other in fostering kids whenever we could. We didn't need a man, but if we did find one, they would have to be okay with foster parenting.
In college I stumbled onto a job that required EMT qualifications but was a night shift and not in the hospital. When I called and spoke to my employer, she told me that she had two medically fragile foster babies, who were 6 and 10 months old, and that she needed help with the night shift for these babies because she was now a single mother and wasn't getting sleep. I jumped on it immediately. The bond that I formed with those two little ones made me want to have a large family and confirmed my decision to be a foster mother.
All of that was coming to fruition today. Cada was going to arrive any minute. We had met a few time before, both at the high security facility that she was at and at our home to help her (and us) prepare for that transition. Nothing could have prepared us for being parents, especially to an bi-sexual African American teenage girl. But here we go...
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